I try not to complain too often. I know it’s neither productive for me, nor fun for the listener. Also, it’s usually about something trivial. In fact, a lot of my complaints fall under the the realm of First World Problems.

I kind of love when I realize my complaint is very First World specific. Suddenly, I have a better perspective on losing wireless internet for a few hours or having difficulty deciding which restaurant I want to go to. It becomes easier to see that my complaint is more of a testament to the things I have than the things I don’t have. Basically, I have no reason to complain ever.

I realized today, as I was driving through drifting snow and slippery roads, that Midwesterners also have their own unique problems. Not really big problems, but still, we might find time to complain about them.

I came up with a list of #MidwestProblems:

  1. There are five different kinds of cheesy potatoes at a potluck but you only have room on your plate for one.
  2. People in other countries (and sometimes other states) have never heard of your state so you just tell everybody you live by Chicago.
  3. You are driving in snowy weather and can’t find the perfect speed that’s both safe and shows that you’re a pro at driving in bad weather.
  4. Which reminds me — SNOW.
  5. You just moved, and your new town has too many churches to choose from.
  6. You’re bothered by the fact that your farmer’s market has more hipsters than actual farmers.
  7. People assume you’re just a “nice Midwesterner.” You want to break the demeaning stereotype without actually being mean.
  8. You want to go out to eat, but it’s dark out and you don’t want to risk hitting a deer.
  9. You have to convince other people that music and trends in the Midwest are really only one year behind, not five.
  10. You can’t make the salsa-seltzer joke from Seinfeld because you pronounce your r’s to the nth degree. (rth degree?)
  11. You sometimes complain about how annoying you find weather-related small talk….but there’s a storm coming and you really want to talk about it.
  12. It feels like a small part of your identity is missing because you have no coast to call your own.
  13. You can’t eat corn any time except summer because nothing comes close to fresh sweet corn.
  14. You call your sugary, carbonated drink “pop,” and the world hates you for it.
  15. Smelly cows, smelly pigs.

Of course you can help me add to this list, but be warned — if you are not a Midwesterner, I might have a hard time accepting any harsh or stereotype-ridden entries.

Which leads to one last problem:

16. You are allowed to playfully make fun of your Midwestern home; but when an outsider joins in, you have to tell them “That’s not OK!” Nicely, of course.

What do you think is a #MidwestProblem?


5 thoughts on “#MidwestProblems

  1. I don’t know if this is a MIdwestern thing or just small-town Iowa,but don’t forget Dutch Bingo! When you meet someone, you have to ask who they are of.

  2. Going to the grocery store because you need to but since it’s the day before a big storm everybody else in town needs groceries too – like they think they must stock up in case we never make it out of the house again!

    Ha Ha – Midwest Problems. There are many I suppose that we don’t even think of because it’s just a “way of life” for us. Still, I don’t think I’d trade my small-town Iowa for anywhere else.

  3. Pingback: 2013: The Stats and My Favorites | In The Mixing Bowl

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